i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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