So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
