saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
