fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
