So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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