My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
