I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
