i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I need to align my fucking chakras
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
