Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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