you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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