My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
