Who wears a wallet chain?!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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