god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
