Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
