Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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