She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
