I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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