If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
