it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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