hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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