I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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