I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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