Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I deserve this hangover.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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