im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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