Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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