i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
