a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
