Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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