last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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