This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
