Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
