He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
