I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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