saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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