I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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