Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
