He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
