maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
