he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
