woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
