You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
