I want to have your abortion
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know her cup size but not her name....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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