I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
