dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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