$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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