who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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