Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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