Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
