Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
