is your mom at the bar?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
