I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry about my life...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
