...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
