Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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