Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize