I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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