If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
