bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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