well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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