Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
