I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
