Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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