im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
how drunk are you?
Several
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
