drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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