I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
