my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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