I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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