on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
