Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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