Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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