GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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