i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
