Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
