Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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