woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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