take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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