phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
