u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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