had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
