Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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