If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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