i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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