Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
