3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
