alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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