You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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