my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
