So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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