my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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