she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
