your parents love me but you hate me
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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