It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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