i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
