If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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