Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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