Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
