we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
