New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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