remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
