Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
