OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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