my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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