It was confusing and full of hummus
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
